Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
