I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
