Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
