apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
