Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize