i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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