im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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