i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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