Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
