I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
