literally had 100 drinks last night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
