She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
