Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
