it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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