I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
