the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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