he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
