I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize