Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize