the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
