I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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