She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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