Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Floor bacon is actually really good
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
