Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
