I think I died a long time ago.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
