I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
