okay pat passed out under dana's car
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
