he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize