Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
