Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
