Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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