He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
