only if we run a train.
done.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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