If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
