I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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