Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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