look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
