If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
