Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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