I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
