obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
