You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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