i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You're like the curious george of whores
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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