I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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