He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
