The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
