When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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