Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
