did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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