I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
