yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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