You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
