Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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