Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
