I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize