R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you still have your period?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
