you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
