38 yer olds are good kisserssss
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
