The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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