You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
