Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
