theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
