I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
