is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
