And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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