Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
